I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
