ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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