We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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