a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
