why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
