Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
