my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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