I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
