so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
