now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
