i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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