I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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