Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
