I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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