Where did you get a picture of my penis
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
