woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
