they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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