The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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