he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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