Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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