Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
