Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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