so explain again why im purple
no
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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