Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize