I wannas sexs uuuuu
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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