he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
