I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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