just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
