Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
