Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
