If that was your dad, he is hot
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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