Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
this boner is exhausting
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
