I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
