i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
