i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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