i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize