We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
