if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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