We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
