I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
