I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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