honey bunches of taint.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
