Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
