I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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