I heard we made out
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize