My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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