How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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