Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
