So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
