big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He did a backflip because drugs
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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