got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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