Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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