I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
