I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Houston, we have a blender
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
