Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
