How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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