i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
