I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
