I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
