i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am spending my child support on dildos
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
