I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
