Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
