i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
