i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
