I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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