i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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