You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
