Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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