Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
