Can Purell be used as lube?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
