I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
