I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
