Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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